Now, I’m not sure which side of the fence (pardon the pun) many of you will sit on with this but I had to discuss my garden experiences. Not gardening in respect to those fans of Gardeners World, we don’t really do gardening. What we have tried generally fails. I’m sure the potted plants feel they are being taken to their final resting place when we visit a garden centre. This is more about the broader use of the garden when you have kids.
I’d have to say that I think the family garden encounters different 'use' phases as the owners move through parenthood.
In the early days of parenting, this is very much a place for relaxing with a BBQ or playing silly games with the kids. Water pistols, slides and swings are all given their summer in the sun before they deteriorate to such a level that they get binned or take their trip to the Tip (sorry, recycling centre).
As the children grow older you add the obligatory swing ball, boules set and badminton set plus of course a multitude of footballs, netballs and basketballs. If you have room there will also be the occasional net on a pole or between two posts before that rusts away and that too goes to the Tip.
Then there’s actually using all of the kit. Sadly, once the kids get their hands on this stuff, it’s generally the fences that come off the worst.
One example was when our son started to get into cricket. He would start bowling a ball at the stumps and each one that didn’t quite catch the three beach style cricket stumps, would slam into the fence. BANG! “Oops, sorry” would be the regular call from the garden. This would go on for the full period of garden activity, combined with a much louder crashing sound of the football also slamming into the fence! BANG, CRASH, BANG!!! We got through a lot of fence panels in those days!!!
He really enjoyed cricket so we made sure we supported him as much as possible. Let me tell you about one of the interesting experiences. He had a couple of bats and we bought him a few tennis balls from those cheap packs in sports shops. We also had a few in the garden shed from our own tennis exploits - those days were well past me... All seemed to be going well - he would zip out into the garden to smash a few balls around and then zip back indoors. Then one day our son said “could you please get some more tennis balls when you go out?”. We were a little surprised as he hadn’t mentioned anything before and we had bought him loads. It transpired that one of our neighbours - let’s just say a neighbour, approaching retirement age and even more grumpy than me, clearly a little irked, had decided not to throw the tennis balls back anymore. He had also made a few comments to my son on the previous occasions he had thrown them back. This had made our son wary of going round to knock on the door to ask for them back. In true dad style, I march round there - “excuse me, sorry to bother you but I think there may be some of my son’s tennis balls in your garden” I politely enquire - asking for their return. On reflection, I’m not surprised he was a bit miffed! As he showed me to the garden, I was welcomed by what looked like a sports training ground scene - he had stashed a pile of 36 tennis balls at the side of his garden!!!! He’d even skewered a few on the ends of bamboo canes to keep the birds off his veggies.... (although he did say that these were his own balls - ouch sounds painful). It was like a symbol of desperation, a surrender, the white flag, he’d given up hope! What a sad and sorry state. The gentleman expressed his despair at having to throw so many back so often and confessed “this probably seems a bit childish, doesn’t it”. “Yes” I replied “very childish”. And then, as though he was a small child waiting to be chastised or sent on a trip to the naughty step, he just stood there forlorn...embarrassed by his actions. I gave him one of those “don’t do it again looks” and proceeded to throw them all back into our garden. However, I did apologise for the inconvenience and explained that I would seek a swift resolution. An Amazon buying frenzy later, we had a 16ft by 8ft enclosed net delivered. Let’s just say, a little time later, it was set up and ready for use. Happy neighbour.....but unhappy wife as now the garden became a small pathway to the patio past ‘the net’. As for the grass, the poor grass; this is now simply two big bald patches joined by a bald running strip! At least we saved money on tennis balls.
Even when they don’t use anything, they destroy things. A prime example is when the kids play those running games to compete against each other. Sprinting back and forth from one side of the garden to the other. That was a favourite in our garden until one of them used the fence as that spongy back board like the indoor 60 metre sprint and ended up going straight through it. Not quite as bad as a comedy cartoon sketch when you might see Tom or Jerry’s silhouette remain as they charge through the panel. No, just both hands on this occasion. Ouch!! First aid kit please.
Oh, sorry, let's not forget the trampoline phase either. This is the time you become a nervous wreck every time they step into the garden. You follow them and stand by the trampoline surround in preparation to catch one of them as they fly off to one side; nose and cheek embedded into the enclosure net. Luckily for us the trampoline phase was short. Our garden is so bogey, the trampoline began to sink into the grass. Not an easy task bouncing on that and an even tougher one digging it out. Guess where it went? Yes, the Tip.
As for these days, now the kids have grown up much more, I think BBQing will return and the gardening might actually happen too. We’ll see!!
As for the very latest, the tables have turned and I now spend many a day throwing back tennis balls, footballs and the like to those neighbours who’s kids have now reached the age for that "garden use phase". Ironically, I even returned 36 nerf darts back over one fence last week - ok ‘enerf’ is enough!!
Enjoy the weekend everyone.
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